Assault
by bobbleobble
Summary: / I didn't plan on oggling a naked Dimitri in the shower, honestly. It was the singing that did it. That incessant singing. / Suffice it to say that everyone's favourite guardian should really learn to lock his bathroom door. (oneshot)


p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"span style="text-decoration: underline;"strongASSAULT/strong/span/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"strongA/N: with VA currently being my fave thing, the next bloodlines book coming and the film yet to make its way into northern ireland's cinemas, I thought a little romitri was in order. h/strongstrongope this is enjoyable!/strong/p  
hr style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" noshade="noshade" size="1" /  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"I didn't emplan/em on ogling a naked Dimitri in the shower, honestly. It was the singing that did it. That incessant singing./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Really, he sounds like a bag of angry cats being rolled down a hill! You should hear him. It's...well, a complete turn-off. I regret not filming it. Who knew that sexy Russian accents could butcher Elvis and Lady Gaga alike?/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"To begin with, I was walking home to our place at Court after my shift with Lissa. It was a pretty decent evening (or, well, morning in vampiric terms) with no real wind and the early autumn sun beating down on me./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"I remember basking in the heat. A little sun now and then is a sort of gift for a dhampir like me. A little indulgence is also great when you're a royal guardian./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"I rounded the corner to our little hovel. A fair warning, living at Court is great, but when both inhabitants of your house are top guardians with top jobs and a general lack of free time that isn't spent screwing the brains out of each other, there's little to no time to clean, dust, re-arrange, etc. And even Dimitri the Russian god can't keep up with those goddamned weeds./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"So I stepped around a small colony of nettles poking up from under the cement slabs of our doorstep and braced myself to sink into our ideally quaint little home, hoping to be assaulted with the smell of homemade apple pie and the clean soapy smell of an adoring husband (as cheerful oldies musical sways gently in the background, of course)./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"And sure, when I did push open the door, I was assaulted. But definitely not in a good way./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"God, that nail-on-board shrieking, I assure you, was assault enough. Ten strigoi over our comrade here's singing./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Disgusted, I stomped to the source of the noise, and without pausing for thought, I burst through the door of the bathroom...to the sight of our favourite guardian as bare as the day he was born, head thrown back, shrieking white noise to the ceiling passionately./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"I froze and began to immediately blush despite myself. I mean, hey, we all know I've seen Dimitri in his birthday suit, so to speak, but, err...you see.../p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Okay, I have a confession to make. Rose Hathaway, the dedicated girlfriend of Guardian Belikov, has never seen her boyfriend's guard so emdown/em./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"And boy did I like it./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Now that I couldn't just emhear/em the racket, I could alsoem see/em it, the scene before me struck me as, well, funny. Hilarious even. And the more I looked, the more I silently laughed./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"My body was wracked with silent giggles, shoulders shaking in contained laughter. And then, in an emamazing/em show of self-control, I snorted. Out my nose. Like a pig./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"I told you, amazing./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Dimitri jumped just about a foot./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"emThis,/em I thought gleefully, will be quite the story. emIn fact, it may be necessary to go and tell Lissa right /emnowem./em/p  
hr style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" noshade="noshade" size="1" /  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"strongreview please thx VA squad/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"strongeim x/strong/p 


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